[our favourite colleague overhears a discussion about the Jubilee celebrations]
“… yeah we’re having a party, fireworks, etc”
“Fireworks? Do you have planning permission?”
“…that’s all they do. They borrow money at 0% interest, gamble it all on black, if they lose they double down, all on red, and just keep going. That’s Wall St.”
“…if you were the joint owner of Facebook and just before the float, you uprooted to the Phillippines, and the government to go chasing after him for tax, would you think that’s fair when he’s been mooning [sic] and get him for tax evasion?”
“How did he evade tax?”
“oh, no, I mean he got all the benefit of the American government and the expertise of America, and not given anything back, when they have had favourable legislation towards him”
“Are you implying that Facebook bought Congress?”
“Well the whole point of being in a country is so that you can work towards the economic prosperity of that country”
“…that’s an interesting way of seeing it”
[discussion about acting as a guarantor for his son’s university housing]
“I’m worried that if he decides to quit uni then I’ll be left with having to pay the full 12 months’ rent!”
“…right”
“I think I’ll just get a loan to pay it upfront, then we can just pay the installments off monthly”
“…”
“You know in town, near the bus stop, there’s that homeless guy with a dog?”
“Yeah”
“And opposite where that busker sometimes sits?”
“Yeah”
“Have you ever seen them both there at the same time?”
“…no”
“Ha. I wonder if they have some kind of time share”
“You could get to the point where people get sterilised if they have a genetic tendency to become a terrorist. And if you can know what they are thinking, they could be hauled away for a thought crime”
“There’s an article in the BBC ‘Would you want to be a Freemason?’… Most of the police are masons though”
“What evidence do you have to back that fact up?”
“It’s just commonly known. When you live in a small village, you hear things. Most of the people in my village are masons.”
“How do you know?”
“They told me.”
“Sounds like you’re outnumbered”
“Well I just know they are, you see them walking around with one trouser leg up. That’s true you know!”
“so what’s all this stuff about ‘Kony’ I’m hearing about? They were saying it’s gone viral all over the world”
“look it up, its on the BBC News”
[he can’t find it and has to be shown how to find it on a colleague’s PC. He looks at it for 5 seconds, then says:]
“Oh that doesn’t look very interesting”
“What?”
“Well the subject matter isn’t very interesting”
“What is the subject matter?” [deliberate question to expose lack of knowledge!]
“Oh, it’s in some other country…”
“…oh no, the lead singer of the Monkees died today”
“yeah we know”
“you know, once they came to [place where he lives]. Which is surprising, such a high-profile band coming to such a small place. They’re not so high-profile any more though”
“they are today”
“why, are they getting back together?”
“Wiki Leaks is just a mouthpiece for Putin”
“… what?”
“Wikipedia is just a mouthpiece for Putin”
“…what?!”
“Wikipedia says the Russian Times is a mouthpiece for Putin”
“…right”
